A friend talked about a passion needed in doing our job at work. It’s very true. I’ve had it hidden somewhere far away as I guess I’ve become a kind of a robot for the past two years or maybe more. Even God won’t like a robotic prayer!

So I really have to find a way out….

My friends ask me to do some writing projects that I love. Lucky I have them to encourage me, but then again I feel like I’m trapped in a time schedule which doesn’t give me a room for myself. Maybe I complain too much.

Next time a friend asks when I’ll realize my long time dream, sadly I might answer, "Once in a blue moon." Well, I always think of myself as a pessimist who is optimist. I also know for sure that somehow once in a blue moon happens… at least twice! Ha ha ha!

*keep the spirit HIGH!

What a life!

I asked my brother today if he is interested in starting a business. None of us is a business person. I guess I’m just desperate.

What does it take to love your job? I really envy those who get paid for their hobbies.

Well, life can’t be all sweet, can it?

…I guess it depends on how you see it….

I’ve been reading this enlightening book by Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth, Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose. It makes me realize that ego has had me captured for many a time and it takes some awareness to control it and become me, my true self. I’m sure if I can do it, I won’t feel so washed out anymore, at least not the way I feel about it now. It’s just a matter of thought-shifting, go beyond ego. Sounds so simple but not quite. The thing is, it’s all in your mind. Just like the feeling of me being washed out.

Really?!

I’m yet to finish reading the book to really grasp the whole concept. But all I can say now is that I’m only capable of doing my best and sometimes even that won’t always give the best results. So I guess, washed out or not, take enough rest!   

I’ve never imagined of being away from work for three whole weeks and I was. It’s the longest ‘holiday’ I’ve ever had since school’s holiday. Honestly. I feel awful to give my responsibilities to my colleagues but there’s nothing I could do. What I always have in mind is there’s a good thing out of bad. I’d been so tired, my body and mind, and I think God always knows I really need a holiday. A long one.

Life consists of choices. I wonder why can’t I choose to have my own holiday whenever I want? Surely I can choose it? Yes, along with its risk. It always goes back to that. And it always goes back to what I really really want in life.

Having my own job with my own office hour in any place I want to be. Without the chicken pox, of course.

I should stick to that.

I really should.

I watched from inside the taxi as the cars slowed down, motorcycles parked by the street as their riders crowding under big trees or shelters, waiting for the rains to stop. Soon they would have to move to higher ground as the water inched up. Thank God the rains stopped.

That is the annual sights in my country. In spite of the efforts (frankly, I have yet to see the real effort, though) to prevent the flood, I think it’s getting worse each year. The government still has some plans to build shopping centres and high rise buildings all over in the near future. What for? I wonder….

If we have a good drainage system, heavy rains won’t bring so many terrible problems. Rain is supposed to be a blessing from UP ABOVE, isn’t it? It cleans up the Earth, gives life to the living creatures. Can you imagine the Earth without water? It’s armageddon.

That reminds me of a novel I think so dearly of, The Road by Cormac McCarthy. Our world might end up like the one he describes in his tearful yet hopeful novel, in a way. One can imagine beyond this universe, imagination is unlimited. But actually it’s born from our reality. Seeing the world as it is today, could McCarthy be imagining how it will lead us to?

How do you imagine our Earth would be in the next 10 years, 50 years, or century? It’s in our hands right now to make the imagination a beautiful reality. What will you do?

Okay, I try to tolerate people who litter so conveniently there that the station is so very dirty, or the crowded stalls in already narrow passage between the railways which requires us, the passenger, to be extra careful when getting on and off the train, or the music blasting from those stalls that I really have to listen so hard to the head of the station who announce repeatedly about the arrival and departure of trains from a loudspeaker, or, okay, I still can tolerate (sigh…) people who spit anywhere in the station (I close my eyes and mouth!)

However, I really can’t tolerate people who smoke there, because I really can’t stand it. That’s why I often try to arrive at the station just IN TIME for me to catch up the train, so that I won’t have to linger a longer time there. That would be such a convenient thing to do if the train’s schedule is ON TIME. In most cases, trains here are often late.

It’s such a dilemma for me. I don’t want to spend longer time at the station, but in most cases I have to wait for the late trains. In other cases, I have the feelings that the train is a little bit late so I arrive there a bit late, but the train is on time this time, such a silly train, lol. 

Well, Indonesia is really dangerously beautiful.    

I’m not sure if I have it now as I still often arrive late at work. But I read about bad attitudes which will bring negative reaction to your mind and eventually will lead to your body. Surely, if I have to catch a train to go to, let’s say, a holiday resort somewhere far away, I’d wake up early with a smile. Lol, who doesn’t? Silly me.

Anyway, being able to drag myself at work each morning, it means, at least, I still have the motivation, whatever it is. The thing is, I still need a good motivation. A really really good one, for my own sake