I got to know him during my daily commuting on the train to work. It seems that a one hour travel on the train excites him. He seems to enjoy the moment. He would stand by the window and look outside. His hands would make some gestures and his mother would talk and nod and smile to him. He travels with his loving mother each day for a special school and therapy in Jakarta. He’s four years old and got a bright smile and curious eyes. He would look into your face when he knows you are talking to him. Yes, he’s deaf eversince he was born. I’ve met him a few times and it’s a bit of a shock the first time I knew his condition. I was complaining at the time, to God of course (unashamedly), about the scars I had after the chicken pox, because it would take long to make it disappear. Then I met Noval. ‘Silly girl, what were you just complaining about?’ I found myself scolding me. He will be living in quietness all his life, will never hear the Beatles, the drops of rain, the birds singing, the silly voice of SpongeBob, even his mother’s calming voice. How’s that for a life? Yet, he is happy. I know I should’ve never stopped counting my blessings. Even the chickenpox scars. Thank you, Noval! ^_^
Yup! These last few months I’ve been so washed out that I forget me sometimes. That me who dreams, imagines, creates, and just enjoys the presence. I unconsciously stop me for being me. Ha ha ha, confused?
I’ve been reading this enlightening book by Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth, Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose. It makes me realize that ego has had me captured for many a time and it takes some awareness to control it and become me, my true self. I’m sure if I can do it, I won’t feel so washed out anymore, at least not the way I feel about it now. It’s just a matter of thought-shifting, go beyond ego. Sounds so simple but not quite. The thing is, it’s all in your mind. Just like the feeling of me being washed out.
Really?!
I’m yet to finish reading the book to really grasp the whole concept. But all I can say now is that I’m only capable of doing my best and sometimes even that won’t always give the best results. So I guess, washed out or not, take enough rest! 
I’ve just recovered from chicken pox which had stayed with me for three weeks. Gosh, what an experience! It’s supposed to attack you when you’re a kid and never attack twice. But that’s not the way it is now. I even had to go to the doctor twice because the first medicine wouldn’t do me any good. It’s all over my body and head and face, I felt like a grenade, lol, because when I bumped into something I might explode. Thank God it’s over now. Well, not quite. I still have to deal with the scars all over my face and body. Time will heal.
I’ve never imagined of being away from work for three whole weeks and I was. It’s the longest ‘holiday’ I’ve ever had since school’s holiday. Honestly. I feel awful to give my responsibilities to my colleagues but there’s nothing I could do. What I always have in mind is there’s a good thing out of bad. I’d been so tired, my body and mind, and I think God always knows I really need a holiday. A long one.
Life consists of choices. I wonder why can’t I choose to have my own holiday whenever I want? Surely I can choose it? Yes, along with its risk. It always goes back to that. And it always goes back to what I really really want in life.
Having my own job with my own office hour in any place I want to be. Without the chicken pox, of course.
I should stick to that.
I really should.
