Words and I

"What’s your work’s motivation?"

Suddenly a co-worker asked me that question. Good question, I thought, it made me think and I still am thinking.  

To get some money, of course, that would be everyone’s first answer, would it not? Not that I don’t need money, but what should keep me going to work each day in the first place is my interest of work… which sadly seems to be diminishing each day. (I wonder if that’s why my co-worker asked the question in the first place?)

Anyway, thanks to that question, I think I am more sure what I want to do now.

I came across a talkative driver when I took a taxi last nite, an old man in his late fifties with grey long hair. Sometimes I just want to sit back and relax on the back seat and let my mind wandering off, but last night I was with a friend. By the time we stepped on the taxi, the driver was just talking, or trying to make a conversation with us.

That’s how I learned how he had been driving so far across Jakarta and no passengers all the way. He started to work at 10 in the morning and it was 8 pm already, and he only got Rp 90.000 so far. He has to pay a minimum of Rp 150.000 to the taxi company and about Rp 90.000 for the gasoline daily. No money left for him today, I asked. So many a day like this, he said.

Such a struggle for life… and he managed to keep his chin up, his cheerful face, at least when he talked to us.

I have been dreaming of having an online job. That way, I don’t have to go to work each day, and I can plan my own holiday, whenever I want. I was thinking of being a travel writer. There are so many travel writer jobs offered on the Internet. But then, you will have to travel a lot first to be able to write about the journey. I don’t have the time to travel because of my 9 to 5 work.

You see, I only have 6 days off for this year, the other 6 days have and will be cut off for voluntary (read: obligatory) national day off. Normally, employees here have about 12 days off in a year, and you just can’t have it all in a row. Sigh.

I always pity the soldiers because of the nature of their work. If I may put it roughly, their life belongs to the country. No more freedom for them. But of course, there are people who are destined to be soldiers and enjoy the work immensely. Now I am starting to feel like those soldiers who I think have lost their ultimate freedom. (Of course, I am exaggerating in many ways ) 

It’s the attachment that I don’t think I can resist anymore. It’s the responsibility of having to show up each morning at work even though when I wake up one morning, I would love to wake up to the sound of a river while being caressed by morning sun which is peeping through the cozy hut in the jungle far away, instead of dreading a boring day at work sometimes :D   

(Dear God, I’m not complaining, I hope, I am just sharing )

I’m in the middle of reading Night by Elie Wiesel and I can’t continue, and not just because of my almost watery eyes. Maybe later. Suddenly I feel so cold inside, so hollow. Even I can feel my heart beats faster when writing this.

It’s almost the same feelings when I watched The Pianist, Schindler’s List (I have watched it thrice and still left me void each time) and other similar movies, or read similar novels.

I think I was beginning to learn about this human tragedy when I watched the series of The Diary of Anne Frank starred by Melissa Gilbert when I was still in elementary school. Melissa Gilbert played Laura in The Little House on the Prairie and the character of Laura was like…my childhood hero. In my childhood world, I had always thought Melissa was Laura and it was really like the set off to my growing up phase seeing Melissa played Anna in that series.

Things happened in Boznia-Herzogovenia, Haiti, Ethiopia, Iraq, Argentina, China… even Indonesia and all over the world, I am sure, have made Him sad. We are all His creatures, aren’t we?

So human beings are capable of doing evil things. Are they not? Some questions do not have their answers.

P.S. Have you smiled at your neighbour today, at least?

My yoga friend is going to the US for a month holiday next week. I figured that he would at least spend Rp 30.000.000 or more for the ticket and accommodation? Then on my way home last night from a yoga class, at about 9.15 pm, I came across an old man sitting under a traffic light on the crossroad, on his lap was a high pile of newspapers.  

So I imagined that this old man couldn’t sell all those newspapers, and at this hour, the chance could have been slim. Then I figured again that if this man could sell about 100 papers a day (I have no idea if it’s difficult to reach that number or not because there should be more than one sellers walking around the traffic lights), he might bring home around Rp 20.000 or a little bit more?

Once on a Saturday morning, I was waiting for a bus at a bus-stop and I couldn’t help but notice a toy-balloon seller on the busy street. For about 45 minutes I had been waiting for the bus, this guy didn’t manage to sell even one balloon. He patiently walked from the traffic light to the end of the cars’ queue which was like a half kilometers long. I thought he must have reached Bogor doing that all day. (Bogor is about 200 kms away from Jakarta). Often the driver or the passengers in a car don’t even move or blink when he was offering the balloons. But there were also some people who smiled and said no. Well, but at least they smiled.

Anyway, I really do admire their perseverance, endurance, patience, or whatever it is, to survive. For two meals a day, or three meals a day if they are lucky.

Life is so extreme. Ones can spend so much money easily while others don’t know if they can eat tomorrow.

And I wish I were living on a mountain… being silly