Words and I

What’s so sure in this life other than death? I think all will agree that it is the change which is so inevitable. It came, it has come, it is coming, it is going to come, no matter we try not to change.

The change.

Some think it’s such a scary thing that upon hearing it they tremble, especially if it’s such an unthinkable change, so monstrous, and… mysterious. Some welcome the change, especially if it’s a good change and an escape from the former boring and monotonous situation.

The change.

I’m so ready for a change. A great one, of course! ^_^

…something has left my life and I don’t know where it went to…*

I found it again recently, I hope I won’t lose it. It’s what I really want to do in life, my dreams. I’ve been feeling so rushed these past few months just trying to do the best as I can for something I’m not passionate about, that sometimes I felt so trapped and forgot all the things which are dear to my heart… until I listened again to the songs of my favorite band, The Cranberries.

Their songs have been keeping me company for years, eversince their first single, Linger, back in 1991. I can identify myself with most of their songs and it seems that the right song came at the right periode of my life for years. Funny, isn’t it?

Most people might only know The Cranberries from songs such as Ode to My Family, Zombie, When You’re Gone, and Dreams. But do you know that they also created songs about child abuse (Fee Fi Fo), wars (War Child and Bosnia), a famous Irish poet, drugs, politics, power, ghetto, and environtment, and many more? And of course not just some cheesy love songs? Well, now you do, lol.

Anyway, music is about taste. I happen to like The Cranberries’ and many other songs. I just wonder if there is someone who doesn’t like music at all… is there?

*From "Empty" by The Cranberries

It was 9 at night as I passed a wide garbage bin by the street and saw a boy crouching there. With his bare hands, he ducked into a pile of rubbish, looking for something valuable enough he could sell again. A touching view which might be common in the near future.

How many children are like that in this country? I can’t count. They seem to be everywhere. Yet, I know people who have had enough still complain. I do too sometimes. 

Why are we such a complainer, God? I asked Him that night… and He asked me to count my blessings.  

Sometimes I wonder if I’m a useful human being for Earth.

…even for God, which I don’t dare to ask, really.

Today is the Earth Day, the only holiday, I think, we can share with all living creatures on Earth. A friend just offered me a Save the Earth T-Shirt. A few months ago, a big department store launched a ‘green’ plastic bag which lasts longer. A few days ago, there was a big event on global warming and saving the Earth in Jakarta, and I think thousands of people attended it. Everyone seems so eager to go green. A good thing, I suppose, if it lasts forever.

But… most of us are so used to the life we have been living. The use of vehicles or Air Conditioning, for example, must be hard to stop. Never mind that, even the little things which don’t seem to matter much, like littering, we do it automatically, without thinking. How can we go green then?

Well, I pledge myself to plant 50 new trees or flowers at my home this year. I can’t wait to do it!

How about you?

:)

I feel like I’m losing myself these days.

I have had plans to do for my life when something came up at work that I reluctantly had to take a job promotion and it dangerously has made me forgetting all the plans and getting me away from my old self everyday. Gosh, I really miss me!

Something always comes up in life, and I know that we make plans and God decides… but we live once only, do we not? 

I am going back to my old plans and hope everyone is happy ^_^    

Today I woke up at 5 at dawn then closed my eyes again until 6 and found myself still reluctant to get up so I wasn’t really awake until 7. Gosh, what a struggle! It was easier on the days when I felt so energetic; my mind was full of ‘exciting things to do for today’ just because… I loved what I did. Well, sadly to say, those were the days of holidays. LOL.

So I sms-ed my friend saying that I had a Garfield syndrome: I-think-I’m-allergic-to-Monday-feeling, so that I would definitely be late for work. Well, it’s been such a drag for me now to get going. I wish I could turn to the other path so easily. But which path exactly? Sillier: is there another path?

I’ve lost the passion in my job and I feel like a robot now.

I need a poem.   

I feel like running so fast to catch up with the time recently, it is so tiring that I can’t help but thinking, whose time? Yes, whose time is it that we are allowed to use any ways we want that we claim it to be ours and think we can have it whenever we want?  

Sometimes I spend my time reciting millions of ‘what ifs’ in my mind and make believe that things would have happened if my ‘what ifs’ became ’done’. Silly! Just like today. I saw an ad of a job I have always wanted, the job and the location, but it’s only valid three months a go. Grrrh. I should have seen it all along; if I just could turn back the time; if only I had all the time in the world; bla bla bla. 

I think I need to slow down…

…and let Him do all the work, in His time.

Even Jesus sacrificed His life for our sins.

Am I supposed to be feeling better now? Maybe. I am not sure.

Something happened at work and I’ve been feeling so low since. I guess I should treat it as one of my crosses in life, the one I can deal with nicely, and shortly I hope. Shortly, that’s what I am sure of.  

…I can still go my own way.

Thanks to Him.